From These Scattered Ashes
by gal
Summary: Crashers: Knight & Ran fic. Yaoi. Yuushi/KnightxRan. When a Crashers mission goes wrong, who's to blame and who will take the blame... even knowing the consequences. Crashers CD Drama spoiler.
1. From These Scattered Ashes † Disclaimer

† From These Scattered Ashes † 

† 

This is a fic based on the CD Drama, Crashers: Knight and Ran. Crashers were a non-lethal (non-assassin) group that Ran was a part of before he came to be Weiß's Abyssinian. If you're a fan of Ran/Aya-kun and haven't read this CD Drama, you should it's great! You can read it at Jey's wonderful page, Aya no Weiß Kreuz Corner. (http://www.kekkai.org/wkcorner/) 

There is a second CD for the Crashers but ... um, I haven't read its translation. So if you have, just disregard it while reading this fic. This fic does contain spoilers for the first CD. I use a bit of my artistic freedom in chapter two of this fic. The mission is based on the one from the CD but I really doubt this is what happened, but I don't care, this is my take on it! ^_^ 

Note, this is actually the prologue of what will be a Yuushi x Ran x Ken fic that I'll write with muh fic-writing buddy Ana! But for now, just enjoy the Crasher part and know that the later Weiß part will come later! ^.~ 

Basic disclaimer. I don't own these guys. I wish I did... they're so hot. We all know what Ran looks like and he's even yummier when he was in Crashers. And Yuushi is a blond haired golden eyed god. Ever seen the anime Gravitation? He looks like Suuichi's boyfriend, Yuki! It's creepy. That's all I could think when I saw that. Anyway! 

Warnings: CD Drama spoiler bleh, Ran's a prick double bleh, angst!! angst angst angst, language I guess, Yaoi yum yum (it gets kinda smutty actually)... 

Please read and review. 

And as we say at -B-&-C-, happy Yaoi! 

-Gal   
Abyssinian@Kritiker.Org 


	2. From These Scattered Ashes † Fortress

† From These Scattered Ashes † 

†   
† Fortress1 † 

Soft moans of contented erotic pleasure echoed in the small room, the song of intimacy entwining with the natural chirp of crickets floating in from the open windows. The pale illumination from the moon and the stars of the beginning evening fell through the window onto the shared bed of the two caught in a passionate embrace, sheets entangled about limbs wrapped about strong forms. A strong golden tanned hand held delicate and elegantly shaped ivory hands up above their locked forms, sweat darkened crimson strands spread out on the pillow underneath their hands. A soft whisper of his companion's name came in husky deep tones as the pale fingers tightened on his lover's hand, a deep shudder moving through the lithe muscular form sprawled out on the bed under the golden Knight of Crashers. The evidence of his passion for the blonde spread over their bellies pressed tight together, trapping the redhead's arousal between their glistening forms. With a low groan from the feeling of the scorching liquid heat spreading over his skin, a final thrust was given to the pale swordsman's body before another wave of heat was released into the tight enclosure. The larger form rocked slowly against the redhead, slowly pumping in and out as the last of his passion was spent before collapsing onto his lover's form. 

"Ran..." Honeyed tones spoke the crimson haired man's name after Honjyou Yuushi, Knight of Crashers, was finally able to catch his breath. Slowly easing up from the slimmer form, he rolled the two to let his lover's body rest half on top of his, limbs still entangled and bodies still intimately locked together. His hands released Ran's own and draped one of his arms about his waist, his full lips coming to rest on his forehead, nudging the richly colored bangs from his porcelain face, softened from its usual hard façade by the pleasure and passion of the moment. His other hand lifted to stroke down his cheek, surprisingly soft despite the man's hard and aloof exterior. 

Frosted lilac eyes, which usually sent glares of the biting arctic chill back at people softened to a cool autumn day, cool and inviting, glanced up at the smiling visage of his lover. A flicker of a smile touched over his lips, even that small smirk rarely seen and only seen by Yuushi in the dark of night during post-coital snuggling. It was the only time Fujimiya Ran felt it was safe to smile, the only time it was safe to show even a bare hint of his true hidden vulnerable self. Sighing softly he lifted his leg to drape over Yuushi's, curling it about his thigh and pressing closer to his perpetual warmth. As he lay against the taller male, he slowly slid his eyes shut, still letting his hand rub over his muscled chest. "Oyasumi, Yuushi." 

A faint frown flicked across Yuushi's lips before passing away, a serene smile quickly replacing it as he looked down at Ran's soft cheek resting on his broad chest. The same as almost every night after their lovemaking, the redhead would tell him goodnight and then drift off to sleep. God how Yuushi loved watching him fall to slumber, sleep, and wake up to the dawning light. As he left the waking world, all the hardness left his face to leave it soft. The hard lines most knew to be on the visage of the hot tempered and yet stoic Red Rook of Crashers were absent, his pale skinned face soft and innocent like a child's in sleeping. His lips which were usually pulled into a tight line or parted to retort a smart-ass reply were fuller, almost curled into a sweet pout while he started to fall asleep. The tender pink lips were parted to reveal ivory teeth, which were unfortunately never shown in his rare small smiles, his breath slow and relaxed. Silken cherry red strands framed his face, fanning out on his chest like a perfect sheet of satin, his fine and dark burgundy lashes fluttering on his ivory cheeks. With his vision still blurry from his passion, his lilac eyes slid shut, utterly content in his lover's hold. And when he awoke that soft beauty would stay there, blossoming and opening like a perfect lily before he was once more frozen in beautiful, untouchable ice. 

God but he was perfect. 

A soft sigh stirred a few tendrils of hair near his lips as Yuushi contemplated on something. A night like every other night, but not. To him at least their lovemaking had seemed different, deeper... more fulfilling. Letting him know that his growing feelings were indeed true and very much existent, and running very deep. He wasn't sure though if he was yet ready to say them to Ran, unsure of how the declaration of his feelings would be received. 

But dammit, he just wanted to speak his adoration of the scarlet haired male aloud, let himself hear the words in the air not just running through his own mind in a near practiced speech. Leaning his head down to nuzzle his lips against the baby soft strands near his ear, he just inhaled the surprisingly sweet scent of vanilla and apples, the apple scent lingering on his hair from the shampoo the blonde used. The vanilla was Ran's own innocent and exotic scent... perfectly fitting to him. Yuushi knew he had his flaws, so many of them in fact. He was hot-tempered, aloof, arrogant, self-centered, self-righteous, pessimistic... but he was so perfect to him it was almost humorous. There wasn't a single thing about the redheaded katana expert he would change. 

"I wonder if you could ever understand, Ran..." Yuushi murmured against his silken hair, just nuzzling him close against his body. "If you knew how much I love you...." A faint tremble moved through him at finally speaking the words aloud. Damn, but they sounded good to hear and to say, rolling off the tongue like melted caramel. Smiling softly to himself, feeling better having had said it and knowing that when the time was fully right he would be able to once more, he settled his head back on the pillow to let himself fall to slumber. 

The form held close in strong arms suddenly tensed at the spoken words, the crimson haired male unfortunately being a light sleeper especially when first slipping into slumber. It was instinct he couldn't shake off, a feeling of never feeling safe no matter what. Though while in Yuushi's arms was the only time he felt any security and sanctity, any little sound awoke him from slumber in his mild paranoia. Sometimes a tiny sound would make him arise and he would not be able to fall back to sleep so instead would simply watch his lover as the night waned on, amazed at how his strong features looked almost like those of a child, his wavy blonde strands falling over his forehead, the way the moonlight through their window illuminated his skin. 

Tonight was not the case in which he had awoken and would now just stare at Yuushi's face until slipping back into the world of dreams. The bed shifted slightly as he easily moved out of his hold, untangling himself from the sheets. The moonlight fell across his pale form as he made his way across the room, in his mild shock and anger not bothering to put a silk robe over his nude form. Sighing softly he leaned his forehead against the cool glass windowpane, emotion wrought violet eyes glancing at his lover lying in their bed, able to see him in the reflection of the glass. 

Bright golden eyes slowly slid up, Yuushi drawing his arms about himself only to see they were now empty. Lifting his hand to rub the sleep he had fallen into from his eyes, the male slowly sat up in bed, glancing about the room for his moon kissed lover. When his metallic gaze fell on him by the window, he repressed a groan for the male was still completely and unabashedly nude, the pale light from the window flooding over him and giving him an angel's glow, a thin sheen of sweat from their lovemaking still shining on his skin. 

"Ran... what are you doing.... Come back to bed...." he said in a mid-yawn, tilting his head to the side curiously at his contemplative lover. Trying to focus on something other than his deadly beautiful body. 

The voice that answered him seemed to belong to a completely person from the one that had been entangled in the sheets and whispering in pure ecstasy the blonde's name just earlier that evening. It was detached and indifferent, filled with enough ice to freeze the Sahara and enough venom to kill an elephant. Yuushi had heard the tones before but never directed at him. He'd heard the heated deep tones thick with anger pointed at him, and if they argued recently, the argument usually ended in a passionate and quick resolution between the sheets. Somehow he didn't think tonight that would be the case... 

"Why did you say that..." 

Ran's words were also deadly quiet barely above a whisper, something that made Yuushi involuntarily shiver. He was... for lack of a better word... pissed. The ice and low volume was his own fight for control of that anger. 

Ivory teeth pulled in a full bottom lip between his teeth to nibble softly to calm his nerves, a tiny nervous habit Yuushi never could break himself of. Lifting his hand to run through his hair, he sighed. Ok he was wrong. This was something he would change about his lover... most people if they were to hear 'I love you' kisses and hugs were the reply. Not biting ice and deadly fire. "I... I thought you were asleep, Ran--" 

"Does that matter? I was not obviously, answer the damn question Yuushi." 

"Because that's how I feel, all right? God I thought that was pretty obvious." 

"I won't say it back," Ran hissed through clenched teeth, clenching his hands on the windowsill tightly enough to turn his already pale knuckles white. 

"...I never asked you to." 

"It would be a foolish thing for you ask me to ever say because I don't believe it." 

"Nani?" 

"I'm not in love with you. And I doubt you are in love with me." 

"I would **never** lie to you and I said those words because they are how I feel." 

"When did I ever ask you to decide to tell me this?" 

"You didn't! God, Ran, why are you treating this like I accused you of the worst crime? I said I love you, that's all. I have for awhile I just never said it. Nothing's changed..." A soft smile touched over Yuushi's face as he stared at the redhead, eternal hopefulness in his voice. 

"Everything's changed." Keeping his words clipped and short, he slowly turned from the window to face his lover, all softness from sleep gone from his face to leave the chiseled marble visage he showed the world. Slowly taking his hands off of the sill, he crossed them over his sinewy muscled chest. "Everything." 

"Nothing!" 

A soft sigh filled the air and Ran just shook his head, silken ear tails brushing over his cheeks as he did so. "I'm... disappointed Yuushi." 

"Excuse me?" Blinking a few times and hoping he had heard him wrong, the older male raised his gaze to meet with his. He had to have misunderstood. 

Glittering violet gems met with Yuushi's melted honey gaze, the precious jewels of his irises glinting in the night. He could happily stare into the man's lilac eyes, such a unique color, for hours but... he did hate when they got like this. They were as hard as the amethysts they were colored for, and just as lifeless. Frankly it scared him how Ran could slip into this... 

"I am disappointed to know that you fancy believing in lies, Yuushi, simple fairy tales and poetic words that mean nothing in the harsh reality of the world. That's all **that** phrase is. A simple illusion adults weave for children to make them believe the world is a nice place before reality slaps them in the face with corruption. That's all it is, Yuushi. A damn lie." 

"Ran I've always been honest with you. Even when I think you're being a prick I'm honest and I tell you you're being a prick. Don't ever tell me that my words to you are a lie. And by the way? You're being a prick." 

"And you're being a child. As always." 

"Fuck, Ran!" Cursing softly, the blonde stayed sitting up in the bed and pulled his pillow closer to curl his arms about it, trying desperately to do something with his hands. "Look, koibito, I don't expect you to ever say it back. I don't expect you to ever feel that for me. I guess I don't even expect you to accept it. But... Ran please, just let me love you. Let me hold to my stupid illusion while you're wrapped in my arms and face the reality that you'll never love me back later. Let me be childish in my belief that I mean something to you other than someone to keep your bed warm." Sighing softly, he pressed his face against the pillow. He refused to break down, god forbid to cry, in front of Mr. Always-Perfectly-Composed. 

At the last statement Ran faltered for a moment, closing his eyes and turning once more to press his forehead against the windowpane. Yuushi meant something to him, a lot more than he was ever wanting to admit. But he didn't love him. He couldn't love. Everyone he had ever loved or who had loved him was dead or away from him in some way. His parents, his sister, his first Kritiker group... gone. All gone. Only Aya had the chance of waking up and returning to life, to him, but every day that chance slimmed a bit more. 

"Don't make us out to be more than we are in your mind, Yuushi..." he said in a faint whisper. 

Gilded eyes squeezed shut tight to fight the tears that welled at that cold statement before Yuushi hurled the pillow across the room towards him, not even looking up to aim the shot. Not wanting to look up and see that pale man he wished to claim as his own in every way possible but he knew he never could. He could have his body every night but apparently that's all he could have. All he'd allow him. This beautiful hard man who looked like an angel and had the demeanor of a demon... his fiery angel. Maybe he should have gone with his first instinct. That this man sent to replace their Rook while Masato was in the hospital was untouchable, burning fire and jagged ice that no man could contain or touch. No one but Ran himself... but Yuushi had never been one for 'look but don't touch'. And he'd allowed - Ran had allowed - their relationship, which had been fiery and explosive in words, to move to the bedroom. Maybe he was a fool... striving for the unachievable. Like some knight of old or of a fairy tale, riding through the world on a pristine white horse, searching for a damsel in distress to rescue. Ran may be more beautiful than any female ever to grace this planet but he sure as Hell wasn't some maiden needing rescuing. He'd be more likely to take your horse and flip you off with a scowl, or lock his savior in the tower for assuming he was weak and helpless... 

He had a point here somewhere... Oh well. 

"I didn't ask to fall in love with you, Fujimiya Ran. You think you're an easy person to deal with? Hardly. But dammit I do so don't tell me my feelings for you, as unfounded as trivial as they may be to you, are a lie. The fact that you just said that to me and I can still honestly say I love you right now is saying a lot about that supposed 'delusion' wouldn't you say?" He sighed softly, moving sad but sincere eyes up to Ran's face. "You could be holding the biting edge of your katana at my neck and threatening to kill me for 'insulting' you with my words of love and I'd still love you. Stupid maybe but I don't give my feeling to anyone easily." 

Catching the pillow hurled at him easily, Ran just met the male's gaze easily. The ice in his arctic gaze melted off for a moment, but it may have been a trick of the moonlight. Yuushi couldn't be sure. He blinked and the faint flicker of warmth was gone. 

"I'm sleeping in my room tonight." Moving to the door, Ran tossed the pillow back onto the bed. 

"UGH! You are the most infuriating man I have ever met!" Muttering, Yuushi tugged the sheet wrapped about his legs free and hurled it at the still nude redhead. "Do me a damn favor and put something on before you go wandering around in case Naru's awake!" 

Watching the crimson tressed male blink almost dumbly as if realizing he didn't have a stitch of clothing on, Yuushi just sighed softly and flopped down on the bed, his face pressed into a pillow. He didn't want to watch Ran leave the room, silently wondering if he'd ever return to what he considered **their** bed. Dammit but he was such a jerk. Why did he love him so much. Stupid male. Him or Ran, he wasn't sure but... stupid male! 

Blinking in mild confusion, he felt a whispered touch of something silken brush over his cheek but by the time he sat up the door was slowly clicking shut, the tail end of a sheet dragging along the floor as the door shut. Lifting his hand he brushed the backs of his fingers along his cheekbone, feeling a slight bit of moisture as if from a kiss. "Oh Ran..." he whispered softly as he turned onto his side, reaching out to pull the pillow from the redhead's side of the bed over against his chest, cuddling it close. It still smelled like him, that ironic soft sweetness of vanilla and apples, hints of lavender and orchids, the male's own natural scent. How could a man so bitter and hard just feel so soft and smell so sweet... he'd never understand it. 

"You're enough to turn me straight again, I swear you are. Or maybe bi. Oh dammit!" Pulling the feather pillow closer he buried his face in it, his thick blonde bangs falling over the ivory pillowcase. Even though every word spoken tonight had dug into him, he wished desperately that it was the pale beauty in his arms not this damn pillow. At times he hated him with every ounce of his being. But even then he loved him. Ran was the devil in an angel's body, and somewhere along the line Yuushi had sold his soul to him, even if the redhead didn't know that fact. Even with every hurtful thing he'd said that night, uncaring of Yuushi's feelings completely, he wished above everything he hadn't left the room and had returned to their bed to let his lover hold him through the night. 

A night like every other night, but not. 

†   
TBC   
† 

****

1 - fortress: a defensive blockade, keeping out the enemy forces, especially the King 


	3. From These Scattered Ashes † Stalemate

†   
† Stalemate2 †

"Knight, Rook, you have three minutes until Pawn's explosives level the mansion." 

Cursing softly, Ran laid the body of the girl down on the ground, brushing his leather-gloved hand over her eyes to shut them forever in death. Getting up to his feet once more, the redhead touched lightly on the small mic set hidden in his hair near his ear. Bishop had to be kidding. **Three** minutes? Dammit, he hadn't yet told the Crasher leader that all was complete and they were ready to leave the building. 

But there was not time for complaint. Reaching up, he suppressed a small sigh and pulled the mouthpiece down to speak into it. "Understood, Bishop. Keep me updated on the countdown to detonation." Flipping the small mic back into his cherry red locks, Ran gripped his blade tightly in his hand and moved through the Sakakibara mansion to the room where he remembered Yuushi being last. The room where they encountered Kozuke and his uncle after retrieving Akiko. This mission was a disaster... Ran had to continually shake his head and will thoughts of his last group away. That final mission with Shion had ended in disaster as well, and he was the sole survivor of that group, despite the fact he'd been the least experienced in Kritiker work and missions. It was not a scenario he wished to repeat soon. 

"Two minutes, thirty seconds." 

Pushing the door open, Ran sighed faintly in relief as he saw his blonde lover standing near a window. Yuushi's unique weapon of the koburadoragon, a rare and hard to handle and master whip-sword was drawn from its thin sheath and in its sword form, the male's golden eyes downcast. 

"Knight, we have to go. Pawn has the building set to detonate in--" 

"Two minutes, ten seconds." 

The blond never even glanced up at his lover's entrance into the room, caught up in his own world and in full shock. Ran wasn't even sure that he heard his earlier spoken words or his leader's words flowing over the mic set. A deep frown of confusion curved his lips and he stepped forward, his eyes falling on Yuushi's blade, which had a slick tinge of red on the silver metal. He blinked a few times... Yuushi had been fighting the guards when he went into the mansion to rescue Akiko... before she was shot in the confusion. 

"Yuushi. We have to go, there isn't much time." Walking over to him, a black gloved hand reached out to the blonde's shoulder, black clashing on the white of his jacket. "Knight if we stay here we be caught in Pawn's explosion." 

"Two minutes." 

"Knight we have to get out **now**!" 

Blinking in mild shock a few times, coming out of his silent reverie. Golden eyes stayed fixed on the vitae coating his blade before looking over to his lover. "Ran..." He sighed softly, continuing to blink dumbly as if seeing through some haze, seeing the redhead for the first time. "I... Ran, I..." 

Frowning at his odd behavior, the hand on Yuushi's shoulder shook him gently and then a bit harder when he saw he was zoning out again. "Yuushi. Are you not listening to me, Knight? We have to get out now or we're going to get caught in the explosion." Sighing he ran his hand up to touch along his neck. This was hardly the place and time, they had-

"One minute, fifty seconds." 

-to get out to live. The mission was already a disaster. The girl they were sent to rescue dead, the two they were to apprehend... Kozuke escaped, and his uncle... Jeweled irises blinked and Ran let his gaze travel once more to the crimson fluid coating Yuushi's blade. "Yuushi..." 

"Leave me. I deserve to die." Yuushi's usual warm and cheerful voice sounded dead and the two men met gazes. And for the first time Ran felt true fear, because in those golden eyes he saw... nothing. Emptiness, pain, desolation, hatred at himself... In Yuushi's eyes he saw himself and his own pain. 

"Knight, you know I cannot do that." Moving his hand from the man's shoulder, he threaded his fingers deep into the blonde's hair glad to see that his mic set was set to receive not transmit. He was receiving the messages from Bishop, though Ran doubted he even heard them, but not of his words were traveling across the lines. 

"One minutes, thirty seconds." 

Damn, that was getting annoying. 

"Yuushi. We have to get out now, there is no way in Hell I am leaving you here." 

"Ran. Dammit Ran, don't tell me what to do!" Yuushi murmured softly under his breath in a dead whisper, but how desperately Ran wanted him to raise his voice to him as he so often did. For some spark of his usual vitality and life and fire to be present in his voice. "I killed him Ran, I killed him. We were just supposed to apprehend him until the police could get here! And he's dead Ran, DEAD! Because of me! Look! There's no denying it!" A shaking hand held up his koburadoragon, the blood still fresh on the linked blade and running down to stain his white gloves. 

"One minute." 

"Shhh, Yuushi please stay calm." Trying desperately to ignore the constantly running down timer, slim fingers moved along the male's blade to clean the blood from it. Working quickly and easily and never letting his eyes leave the metallic gaze of his lover of many months now. After the blade was cleaned, using the only free piece of cloth on him, the once pristine white Crasher scarf tied about his right thigh, Ran lifted up Yuushi's shaking limp hand and removed his white glove smeared with another's blood. 

"Ran... Get out. You're going to die if you stay here with me... Please, I deserve to die, I took a life. I went against mission orders..." The older male just watched in shock, almost as if he was watching someone else do these things to other people, not his lover to himself. "Rook, stop, you're wasting time..." 

"Thirty-five seconds." 

"I know what I'm doing." His sharp mind was already turning gears and working the facts that were known, seeing how this could be changed. They said it was beauty, but sometimes it was truth was in the eye of the beholder. Pawn had been working the distraction, Bishop working orders from the sidelines. The only two alive to know what happened inside this mansion tonight was himself and his lover... 

Slipping the glove back onto the man's strong hand that was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm, the glove was now cleaned and the blood had been wiped once again on his Crasher scarf, a splash of crimson across the golden C sewn into the silk. Leaving his lover untouched by the evidence of death in his ivory mission gear. 

"Twenty seconds." 

Careful not to get the blood on Yuushi once more, Ran gently slid his fingerless-gloved hand into Yuushi's, tugging him towards the nearest doorway. 

"Ran, why aren't you listening to me." 

"Just... trust me. Come with me." 

"Fifteen seconds." 

"Ran..." 

"God Yuushi we're running out of time!" Ran said, his voice started to rise in his anger and the growing panic in him. God how he hated explosions. Already he could feel every hair on his neck rising, his stomach starting to churn. Memories of his family being lost in an explosion, his last unit being lost in an explosion, rose to surface in his mind but he quickly pushed them away. There was no time. 

"Ten seconds, Knight, Rook." 

Finally the blonde consented and let himself be led much like an oversized rag-doll to the closest door, the redhead pushing him in front of him to get out of the mansion and as far away from it as possible. 

"Five seconds." 

Finally a burst of adrenaline seemed to hit Yuushi and he held Ran's hand tightly in his, the two bolting through the hallway to the French doors leading to a porch. In his mind Ran was doing the final seconds countdown along with Bishop's Greek accented tones, seeing the doors just up ahead. 

The night was soon a blaze of colors, what looked to be the fires of Hell glowing above the horizon. The reds and oranges of the detonation of the building threw heat upon the pair's backs, the shock wave hurtling them out from the house as they'd just gotten out and away from the danger zone. Shuddering at the characteristic sounds only explosives and demolitions could bring, Ran brought a hand up to his head, trying to clear away the light daze the shockwave had thrown him into. Looking down he saw the blonde laying under him, eyes closed with the illumination from the explosion dancing on his lean tanned face. 

A sickening feeling of panic stormed through Ran's slender form, the male automatically removing his leather glove to pat the man's cheek. No, no, he had gotten him out in time... Not again. His parents, Aya-chan, Shion... he couldn't handle another person who was close to him dying when he couldn't protect them. Not to the cruel fate of an explosion... again... 

"Knight... Yuushi... Please be all right... Yuu..." Sighing softly, Ran continued patting the man's cheek softly before finally stopping when he stayed still. He knew that to get more of an effect he could just deliver a stinging slap, but he didn't have the heart to. He couldn't slap a d- dammit no. There was no way. He got him free of the explosion early enough. He had kept his own body between the traumatized blonde and the building. Yuushi... His body was just so still and yet remained warm. Tilting his head down, he pressed his lips faintly to the blonde's. A low sigh passed over his lips as the sweet fruity and citrusy flavor of his lover's kiss brushed his tongue. 

Pale gold eyelashes fluttered open slowly, Yuushi lifting his own gloved hand to rub the back of his head. It took him a moment to realize he was being kissed. "Ran..." he whispered softly, pulling his head back to draw away from the kiss. As soon as the sweet moisture of the redhead's lips moved away from his own mouth, it all came flooding back to him. "Why didn't you leave me in there..." he whispered, his eyes narrowing at the redhead still sprawled atop him. 

"That was asking me do to something I never could do, Yuushi." 

"... Ran why didn't you leave me in there. I'm a failure." He halted when Ran's finger pressed over his lips, but what brought him to full muted silence was the softness on the man's face, the look akin to what could only be described as tender affection in his orchid blushed eyes. 

"You're nothing of the sort." A quick uncharacteristically impulsive kiss was pressed to the man's forehead before the soft swish of leather was heard, Ran getting up to his feet and extending a hand down to aid his lover. "Let me handle things. I think you're still in shock from the explosion..." 

Let him handle things... With a soft sigh of defeat he rose to his feet, dread filling him. How was he going to tell this to Bishop... He was a common killer, a failure. Somehow he'd deviated from the mission plan... nothing had gone right. One target to apprehend was dead the other escaped, the target to rescue dead even from a gunshot while she'd been in Crasher hands... 

If Kritiker let him live after a failure and complete mission disobedience, he'd be amazed. 

****

2 - stalemate: no mate, but no possible (legal) moves for one side 


	4. From These Scattered Ashes † Decoy Sacri...

†   
† Decoy Sacrifice3 †

He could barely even remember. Anything. 

Knight lay in the bed that he shared with Ran, staring blankly at the ceiling. How had he gotten here? It seemed just moments before he'd been outside the burning building, staring blankly at the smoke rising from the rubble. Pawn's explosion had taken out the entire building. God how he had wanted to be in there with the dead body, the dead body that was that way because of him. It was what he deserved for taking another life. To be in the heart of the explosion, the fires of Hell, because now that was going to be what awaited him... It was poetic justice. Or would have been had Ran not interfered. 

What had happened... Ran had given him another kiss. But he couldn't have been automatically whisked from there to here with a simple kiss no matter how good it was. Bishop and Pawn had finally found them after Ran had gotten them both to their feet. The Grecian had demanded to know why it had taken them so long to get out of the building when they had ample warning of the imminent explosion. He couldn't remember Ran's answer but it had appeased Bishop. For a moment, then he demanded to know where the three were: Akiko, Kozuke, Kozuke's uncle. The one they were to rescue and the ones they were to apprehend. Two were dead, one had escaped. 

Making a tiny sound of defeat in the back of his throat, Yuushi raised his hand up to brush over his face, still trying to connect everything up and something wasn't matching right. After Ran had explained what happened... dammit what had he said exactly... their youngest member Pawn had asked what was wrong with Yuushi, why he was so pale, so silent. You usually were in shock when you realized you had committed a crime enough to curse your mortal soul to Hell, when you were nothing more than a common killer. He didn't want to see the looks on Bishop and Pawn's faces when Ran told them what he had done. He'd heard Ran's tones, deep and soothing, explaining that the blonde was just in a bit of shock after seeing him kill... 

Seeing **him** kill... Not after killing... 

Bolting upright in bed, he brought up a hand to his pounding temple. Oh god why why why... Why would he have told them that? Why would he have said that the mission falling apart was his fault when it was really his own? 

"You're awake..." The tones were soft as the words echoed in the room, Ran's rich timbres never failing to send shivers down the blonde's spine no matter what the scenario. Yuushi looked over to see him sitting in a chair near the bed, the light from his laptop screen falling over his sharp strong features, casting his usual pale skin with a dull blue light. The sound of fingers moving over the keys at a steady and easy pace, Ran probably making not a typo whatsoever as he typed whatever he was typing, continued for a few moments before he shut the cover on the small computer. Moving up from his chair he set the slim case down on the cushion and moved over to sit on the edge of the bed. His hand moved to brush the male's sleep tousled curls of gold from his forehead, his other hand falling to rest on his bare chest. "Lay back down. You still need rest. I don't yet know how badly you were hurt in the explosion's shockwave." 

"I'm **fine**..." Murmuring that he didn't have to be looked after like an overgrown child, the older Crasher member did eventually lay back down. Ran's insistent hand never left his rippled and cut upper torso, urging him to lay back and rest. Settling back on the pillows he sighed, lifting his hand to clasp over the pale fingers resting on his chest. He was a little less dizzy and his vision clearer when he laid down than when he'd bolted up, making his vision spin, but Ran hardly had to baby him. "Ran... what were you typing just now?" 

Still tracing his fingertips over the flat planes of his lover's body, Ran stared down at him with an almost sad tenderness on his features Yuushi wasn't sure if he was imagining. He had to be... But the look in the man's eyes was firm, and it was completely decided determination, the look of a man that Yuushi knew could not be swayed from whatever his keen mind had set itself to. 

"The mission report for tonight." 

"Shouldn't I be writing that since I fucked up? Or I guess I should be turning in my letter of resignation from Crashers before Queen can kick me out for completely ruining a mission." 

"No. You did nothing wrong. As far as the mission report says." 

A tiny groan escaped Yuushi's lips as the almost worshipping touch moved over his body, Ran's fingers always knowing just how hard to push against his flesh to tantalize every nerve. A light blush crossed over his cheeks as he could feel his passion stirring, flesh under the sheets stiffening even as he tried to stifle his urges. This was hardly the time or place... but Ran's fingers were like the petals of roses being dragged over his skin, and god his eyes... he could feel his body heating like liquid fire was coursing through his veins instead of blood, fire from the iced gaze of his lover. "Ran, what are you doing. What are you talking about, I did **everything** wrong. God that feels good..." 

"Listen to me Yuushi..." Ran said in a soft hushed voice, easily laying out on bed beside him. His hand continued moving over his broad chest, a tiny smile touching over his lips as he watched the taller body arch up off the bed with just a simple touch to his nipples. His eyes fluttered shut as he felt the smooth flesh harden under his touch, able to feel his lover's heart beat starting to race under his hand. Long pale digits of his other hand laced up into the thick strands of hair at the back of Yuushi's head, lifting his head to press his lips close to his ear. Their words were muffled, allowing no one passing by their room to hear anything but soft whispers they could assume to just be the sounds of enjoyment that came from the room most nights. Especially after missions when their blood was hot and adrenaline was high. 

"There are only two people who know what went on in that mansion, truly. You and I. And then whoever reads the mission report will know. The mission tonight was a disaster, a complete wreck..." 

"Because I--" 

"No. We both screwed up. I shouldn't have allowed Akiko to be shot in the confusion, nor should I have left her there. I am not a doctor, the wound may not have been that fatal." Pausing, he left out the part that the girl died in his arms moments after she was shot from the direct hit. She never ever should have died had he done his job properly. "Nor should I have allowed Kozuke's oji to escape." 

"Nor should I have killed. We're a non-lethal group... he wasn't to be harmed..." Yuushi sighed softly but it quickly turned to a groan as he felt those slender fingers trace down the muscled lines of his chest, dipping down under the sheets towards his growing desire. "Aah! Ran! What are you ... doing... You know I can't think with your hands on me..." His voice came out as a soft whimpering whine, but even as he protested he couldn't stop his body from wiggling and arching up off of the bed to press himself more fully against that elegant hand. 

"Let me think for the both of us, Yuushi..." came the passion thick husky whisper, Ran's voice betraying the desire he usually kept in check no matter how hot their lust and need for one another was. His lips nibbled against the man's earlobe, tugging on the tender flesh with his teeth, smoothing over any pained spots with his tongue as his fingers circled the base and then trailed up the length of the blonde's thick erection. "I need you... right now. I hate explosions, Yuu... I've lost so many. I couldn't leave you in one. I couldn't. I couldn't... lose you too." 

Only able to give a groan in agreement for now, the original and older Crasher member gently lifted his hips up and down, pistoning into his expert hand. His hand reached to stroke the gentle masculine swell of Ran's hip, gripping onto his body tightly, rubbing his palm against his waist. "Ran... I can't make you promises of forever, not with the life we lead, but... I'll always be here..." Moving his other hand up, he traced his fingertips over the male's heart before curling his hand into his soft hair, pulling his lips to his in a breathless kiss that spoke of timeless promises and bonds, something that time and distance could never break. Breaking from the kiss, his eyes met with those of his lover, his smile ever present in the deep honeyed gaze. "I know you hate hearing it. Please don't walk out... but god you know I love you. Please just let me love you. No matter what." 

The only answer the blonde received was the feeling of Ran's body moving from where it rested beside him. Slitting open his eyes, he shivered as he felt cool hands slide over his organ, Ran's perfect hands that could wield a blade one moment and pleasure him the next were sliding down him in smooth caresses. While smoothing a musk scented oil over his lover's flesh, Ran moved his body to straddle over Yuushi's waist, his knees pressing into the mattress as he sat back on his thighs, preparing him and just enjoying the feeling of his rigid flesh under his hands. Even though the passion and need for one another was obvious, flushing Ran's alabaster like a pale rose that only Yuushi was ever allowed to fully see bloom, they took their time. His hands running up and down his length, switching off so he could touch him with every finger and every bit of his hands, memorizing the touch of him, the way every vein pulsed and rippled. Deep amethyst eyes watching as his blonde lover writhed under him, moaning his name softly in languid ecstasy. As he continued to touch him erotically with a tenderness, which was rare in their lovemaking, he let his eyes stay on the man's face, flushed sweetly with desire. Even as Ran played the strings of lust and love in the man's heart he carried that angelic air about him, his perfect golden angel. His reason for doing what he knew he had to do. That innocent angelic face which had been so shocked earlier, streaked in blood... it was a look of horror and disgust at himself he knew he could never allow to touch that handsome face again. Could never allow that to become a regular thing for Yuushi. 

"I... I care very much for you, Honjyou Yuushi..." Ran whispered softly, a faint hint of a smile touching his lips. There was still the odd sadness in his eyes even with the pleasure coursing through him in anticipation of the next motions, the timeless act of intimacy. 

A devilish smirk touched over beautiful full lips as Yuushi looked up. "If you care so much... oh GOD!" he whined softly as he felt the redhead's thumb rub over the slit at the very tip of his organ, nimble fingers gathering up the liquids there to smooth them over his length along with the oil. "...why are you teasing me?" He groaned again as he felt Ran lean forward, the pulsing and wet tip of his own ivory length sliding up the underside until Ran's hips were pumping and thrusting suggestively, their arousals pressed tip to tip, base to base, Yuushi groaning with every teasing brush of flesh. 

Giving a faint chuckle, the slickened hands moved from the golden arousal to rest on the older male's chest while he shifted his hips back, another soft whine of upset coming from the blonde's lips as his arousal was left to just the cool air of the room. Cool air which was steadily heating from their needing bodies. "Because Yuushi... that little whine of upset you make when teased is too adorable to ever pass up." 

A broad smile traced the soft lines of Yuushi's lips at the rare and melodious sound of Ran's laughter, short and quick to fade but it had been there. For his ears and his alone. And that told him more than any awkwardly stumbled over or reluctantly said words ever could. "Mm..." he mumbled softly, enjoying the feel of the petal soft fingers rubbing small circles on his inner thighs, but every single touch was just making him grow harder with desire. "If you keep that up I'm... going to pass out before... either of us climax..." His voice was breathless as he felt the male's knuckles brush 'innocently' against the soft flesh at the base of his arousal, each touch causing him to squirm a bit more, trying to inch towards the redhead's hands or body to have some contact once again with his enlarged organ. 

"Oh now would that really be so bad?" Smirking in pure teasing delight, his crimson head of hair dipped down to brush a quick kiss to the head of his length, his soft wet tongue moving over the wetness dropleting on the hardness. 

"RAN!!" 

Straightening back up after his lover's begging call of his name, Ran reached over to take Yuushi's hands, which were clenching tightly onto the sheets of their bed to hold himself down lest he start bucking wildly to get some relief. His pale digits rubbed over his tanned fingers and set his shivering hands onto his hips, lifting himself up from his sitting position on the man's upper thighs and lowering himself down easily to finally give Yuushi what they both needed. 

Their hands slowly moved over one another's forms as they started to move together in a perfect rhythm, the redhead's slow and methodic motions just stirring the embers of his seme's passion to a blazing fire only he knew how to control. Pale fingers moved over the broad form under him as he rocked back and forth atop him, memorizing every inch of his skin as if it was the first time he'd ever seen it fully unveiled to him, and as if it would be the last time he was allowed this. Violet never left gold as he lifted and lowered his body on his length, letting his hands rest on him for leverage, having the golden arousal completely fill him to the hilt motion after motion, moment after moment, always hitting that point deep inside himself to fully heighten their enjoyments of the beautiful and intimate act. 

With every deep push and press sweet, pants of the blonde's name came from perfect lips, soft purrs of pleasure that made Ran sound like an overgrown and pleased kitten during lovemaking. As the man was quiet in life, he was quiet in the bedroom as well, Yuushi never able to make his silent lover scream but oh how he pleased him. Every soft sound of enjoyment, coo purr moan or cry, was like an animalistic scream from someone else, pure music to Yuushi's ears to make the serious and seemingly unreachable male completely lose himself in bliss. 

That all consuming bliss, the heat from another's body threatening to melt the ice around him, came all too quickly even with their careful and perfect ministrations, trying to drag out their lovemaking as long as possible before finally giving into the pleasure. Thick streams of milky pale fluids were released into the tight sheath of the redhead's body, the liquid heat burning through him and causing his back to arch, pressing and grinding against him harder as his own length twitched against his stomach. With a low throaty cry of his lover's name, the evidence of his passions were soon glistening on his toned porcelain-pale stomach, shining in the moonlight falling through the window along with the thin sheen of sweat on his skin from their exertions. 

His entire body continued to tremble as he stayed perched as he was, rocking back and forth, shivering as he could feel every single ripple from Yuushi's pulsing orgasm, the perfect feel of him embedded etched into his mind forever. His head dropped to press his chin to his own chest, staring down through a veil of sweat dampened crimson bangs at the blonde's face. Any doubts he ever had of whether or not the love the man said he felt for the other male were real faded as he saw his sunshine-yellow eyes, the epitome of warmth, just staring up at his trembling form, watching the redhead come down from the heavens of another mind blowing orgasm. 

Slumping down against him, pale lips nuzzled close against the sweaty juncture of his neck and shoulder as Ran just kissed him with almost shy gentleness. His arms laced about the man's shoulders as he slid his body off of him and lay down against him, shivering faintly to feel Yuushi's warm hand wrap about his waist, softly stroking the dip in his back before it curved into his backside. "Yuushi... my Knight. Arigato." 

Tilting his head to the side, the older man turned on his side to face Ran, just holding him close against his chest, their faces close as they rested their heads on the soft pillows. The room around them grew quiet once more, their echoing passions dying off though the scent of their desire was still hanging in as a seductive atmosphere in the room as they lay in their bed. Limbs once more entangled with their cooling passion on their skin, their sheets lying over them with their close forms outlined in the material. 

"Why are you thanking me, koibito..." 

Settling comfortably into the warm embrace of his lover's arms, Ran lifted a hand to smooth away the blonde strands from the perfect face as they fell over his features. He sighed softly, pulling closer to that inviting and always readily available warmth, never realizing until now just how much the man had come to mean to him. "Just... for being you, and in that giving me everything I ever needed. For doing everything in your power to make me happy despite my treatment of you." 

"Your treatment of me, puh. You make it sound like you beat me or something." Chuckling softly, Yuushi turned his head to press a kiss to the palm stroking over his cheek. "Our relationship was never easy nor are you the most pleasant person to be around but that hardly matters... There's a lot more to you than what you show us, Fujimiya Ran. Probably more than you even know. I never expected you to be openly affectionate or sappy sweet to me. It may scare me if you ever were. Just not who you are." Shrugging faintly, the man's tone never wavered, showing just how solid he stood in what he'd said. Glancing down at the slightly shorter male lying in the circle of his arms, he let his lips touch on his forehead. 

"Yuushi..." Ran just whispered softly, pulling closer to his warm and strong frame, just wanting the comforting embrace that the blonde had always offered to him without question. 

"Now... Why don't you tell me what you were saying earlier, about letting you think for the both of us, about how I didn't do anything wrong? You must remember the mission completely differently than I do..." 

Sighing softly Ran pulled away from the warm embrace and sat up, keeping the sheets pooled about him. "What is the consequence for disobeying and failing mission orders as we did tonight." The pale moonlight fell over his alabaster skin as he turned a bit, the ethereal glow catching in his lilac irises as he stared down at the golden body lying curled close beside him. 

"I honestly don't know... Not good. Hardly a light reprimand or just a slap on the hand..." Rolling onto his back, Yuushi drummed his fingers on his chest for a moment, pulling the sheets up to cover his chest to cover his nude form as the pair often got... distracted when there was little clothing covering their bodies. "We didn't do a single thing the mission orders specified. Well, not correctly and fully. Probation, possible reassignment... if King and Queen are feeling lenient. I may be more of a burden for the group now so reassignment if I'm lucky..." 

Hearing the sadness in his voice, Ran reached over to place his hand on Yuushi's covered chest, finally meeting his eyes. He knew that the blonde had been with Crashers for several years now. They weren't just an investigative crime unit... they were a family. Which had posed a bit of trouble for his acceptance when he came to replace their Rook when he was in the hospital for injuries on a mission. One could not just simply... replace a team member. The fact that Crashers had been forced to had outraged the golden Knight and caused mass amounts of tension between the two before the anger faded into sexual tension before they finally submitted to the feelings that were obviously between them. The thought of him being reassigned for a simple mistake, never to see Crashers again, and possibly being sent to a lethal unit was something that Ran did not want to see happen. 

"Let me take the blame...." 

"Nani?" Golden eyes blinked a few times and Yuushi looked over, meeting gazes with his lover for a moment. "You didn't do anything wrong--" 

"Didn't I? I was the one to rescue Akiko and she was shot while she was with me. Part of the mission was to rescue her and I left her in there. She may have been able to make it with hospital treatment had I been able to get her out alive, I honestly don't know. I'm not a doctor. And I wasn't around to help you detain Kozuke. And I allowed Kozuke's uncle to escape." 

Ivory teeth bit down on rosebud lips and Yuushi shook his head. "Accidents. Kozuke was our main target and I could have easily detained him but he... he was fighting me and I thought I had it under control but my strike... I didn't expect it to hit." Still shaking his head he rolled over to his side, curling up against Ran as he started shaking again, feeling the warm blood on his hands again, seeing it coat his blade in his mind, the sound of the man's final strangled breath before collapsing echoing in his ears. "You didn't kill anyone..." 

The ice in his violet gaze melted away as the male started trembling, the redhead turning his body to pull the blonde's soft head of hair to rest on his sheet covered lap, stroking the thick strands. His motions were comforting and affectionate, but there was still an almost awkwardness to his motions as if he was totally unsure of what he was trying to do, uncomfortable in his abilities to calm another. 

Adjusting his body, Yuushi slipped his arms about Ran's waist and let his head stay resting on the redhead's thigh, his eyes sliding shut as he just took in the calming presence of the katana expert. His cool demeanor, nothing ever fazing him or shaking him from his course, was more soothing than any words or touches that he could have ever given to ease away his mild shock and inner turmoil. "So... it's obvious you have something in mind. What is it?" Twisting his body he released his hold on the slender bare waist, coming to rest on his back with his head still pillowed on his toned leg. As he stared up at the male with his bright golden gaze, he crossed his arms over his chest and waited for his reply. 

"I know how important Crashers are to you, Yuushi, and how important you are to them. And how this will hurt them but even more hurtful would be the possibility that you would be reassigned and never see them again. All of you are like family, I've seen the adoring looks Pawn gives you and the almost fatherly admiration that you get from Bishop. Queen is like a strict but caring mother... and Rook is like an older brother, always looking out for you. And then there was me. A replacement. We always knew that, Yuushi. Always we knew that my time in Crashers was limited even when we began this relationship. I saw a report that showed that Rook should be returning in a month's time at maximum. His recovery and physical therapy is going well even though he's greatly enjoying the time off... he'll be ready to return to his spot in this group as soon as possible. And I'll be on the move again, reassigned somewhere else as another temporary fill-in, I really don't know. I think they're still looking for a proper place for me. We both know... that Crashers isn't it--" 

Letting out a pained sigh, Yuushi shook his head and lifted his head to touch along that lily soft cheek, gold meeting regal purple irises. "Your place is here, Ran, with me..." A hopeful smile touched over his lips even as he knew the male would deny that. 

Taking the man's hand in his Ran shook his head softly, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before laying his hand back on the broad chest, his pale digits covering over his hand still. "Iie. You know that I swore revenge for my family and I intend to fulfill that. And though Crashers is paying me double what I received from... my last group and allowing me the funds to take care of a few things, I have yet to see how this group can lead me to the one I seek my vengeance on. That is the reason I am here... And soon it would come time for me to move on. We both knew that, Yuushi, even if I never before said it." 

"I- I know..." Slipping his hand out from under Ran's, Yuushi reached up to brush his hair away from his lovely pale face, just staring up at him, seeing the sadness in those orchid blushed eyes. 

"You think me selfish." 

"No," Yuushi quickly disagreed, leaving his hand resting on the man's cheek. "You are not selfish. You're doing all of this for your family, not for yourself. I..." He turned his head away, ashamed of the thought that moved through his mind. 

Soft fingers touched on his cheek, turning his head back to look at him. "You what?"

Meeting those deep amethyst eyes he fell in love with moments after seeing them for the first time, Yuushi could only release a soft sound of breath that sounded like the redhead's name. Leaning his head to the side, he nuzzled his cheek against the long pale fingers. "It's... selfish, really. I'm ashamed to even think it. I'm just... jealous of them. That you'd do so much for them and... never mind, please? I shouldn't have said anything." 

"I've always had an odd way of showing that I care..." Stroking the man's face softly, Ran settled his chin onto Yuushi's chest. "Yuushi, let me do this for you. Crashers are your family, I wouldn't want anything to come between you and them. Let me take the fall for this. Who do you think everyone would believe went against mission orders, you or me? No one was in that mansion but us. Our mic sets weren't even transmitting audio back to Bishop so we wouldn't get distracted from other sounds. We're used to working in sync, we don't need words, even across a mansion from one another. No one would know but us..." 

Turning his head to press a soft kiss into the man's palm, the blonde just enjoyed the feeling of the cool slim fingers touching his face, the most tender touches he'd ever received from the redhead. Why was he doing this... now though. "I... I don't want to lie to them though, Ran." Ivory teeth nibbled on his full bottom lip as he considered over the possible option. What Ran posed would most likely work. It was proposed by Ran of course, the man who could look at a scenario for a moment and take in every single detail with even that short of a glance. There were no loose ends or holes, nothing to flub their story if he decided to go along with it... but was it the honorable thing to do? Let his lover take **his** fall even if he insisted? 

"I know you don't..." came the soft reply and Ran tipped his head to press a kiss to the center of Yuushi's chest, leaving his chin to rest there. His arms crossed over the broad pectoral muscles, letting his fingers trace over the warm skin as he positioned himself to sprawl atop the male, just craving his closeness. It was most likely the last time he'd ever get it if things went as he thought they would. 

"I can't..." Turning his head to the side, Yuushi glanced away from those deep winter sky eyes. The man he could deny nothing, but he couldn't give him this. He couldn't let him take the fall he deserved, and he couldn't lie to his team. He knew Ran and could see the... thing akin to sentiment behind the cold logic but he couldn't do it. "I won't." 

Pressing another kiss to the warm expanse of golden skin, Ran slid his eyes shut and sat up, sliding off of where he was sprawled on his lover's body. Moving to sit on the side of the bed, he opened his eyes to look for his discarded clothes on the floor. As he did any prior warmth was gone from his eyes leaving only the violet ice of the Antarctic wastelands. Any tenderness in his motions was gone as well as he let the cold exterior shield him once more, his motions fluid and controlled. Even his posture seemed completely detached as he put his clothes back on, looking away from the blonde laying in their bed. 

"You are going to have to," he replied in a dull voice, his attention completely on pulling on his pajama pants. "I asked you to allow me to think for us both and you agreed. The mission report stating that the errors of the mission are to be faulted to me, not you, has already been sent to Queen. I am expecting a reply from her tonight and most likely already have it." 

As the chilled words came from his lover, Yuushi slowly sat up and just stared at him. His champagne gaze unblinking in utter disbelief. "What... How. How can you just do that Ran? God dammit, how can you just pull a 180 on me like that! Minutes ago you were snuggling with me like I actually meant something to you, now you're talking about mission reports that aren't even right?" His fingers clenched tightly on the white sheet, as he looked down, not able to watch the redhead getting dressed, his actions stating that he had obviously already dismissed it. "Don't I get a say in this. I don't want to lie to them, Ran, you knew I wouldn't agree to this. And you went and did it anyway! And then had the audacity to speak to me like you hadn't, like I had a choice in this, like you'd actually respect my wishes?" 

"This is for the best." The bed shifted as Ran got up, moving back to the chair he'd been sitting at while Yuushi had been resting. The pale light from the laptop screen once more fell over his aquiline features, seeming to drain him of any human warmth, leaving his skin pale and even more marblesque than its usual state. An immovable statue. A beautiful inhuman statue. Unreachable. Had he ever reached him? Sometimes he thought he had... 

"You're just not normal..." Yuushi finally managed to whisper, dragging his eyes away from those hard elegant features as tears sprang to his eyes but he fought them off. They'd do absolutely nothing. Shaking his head he waited for a response from the redhead to anything he'd said but none came. 

A response to his lover's words never did come, the redhead intently gazing at the laptop. His pale fingers danced over the keys before he shut the laptop down, the sudden loss of the pale light from the screen pitching them into darkness. As it did, the older Crasher member looked over to see the man's silhouette with the window behind him, a light sigh passing over his lips. 

"I was correct. Queen wishes to meet with me in the morning." 

"... How nice for you," Yuushi whispered before lying back down. He turned on his side and then blushed faintly, realizing that his full back was completely bare to Ran's view. His hands closed over sheets, pulling them up to cover over him as he lay there alone, able to feel that hard amethyst gaze on him. "I hope you're happy. While you're meeting with her I'm going to be lying to the people closest to me which is something I absolutely **hate**. Thank you. Thank you so much." 

Slipping the laptop back into its case Ran set it back on the chair, just staring at the male as he tossed and turned on the bed, adjusting the sheets and fluffing the pillow. As he fidgeted the sheets twisted up on his legs, making him curse softly as he kicked to fix that. Hidden by the darkness Ran's eyes softened as he watched him, staying standing by the bed for a moment and contemplating. The reply from the Crasher's secretary had implied much more than he'd said... but Yuushi and the rest of Crashers would soon enough know. Queen would tell them... not him. 

The bed shifted once more and Yuushi once more stilled, feeling his lover climb onto the bed and slide across to lay behind him. A faint sigh fell from his lips as he felt Ran tuck his head onto his shoulder, a lean arm draping over the blonde's waist. Yuushi tried to hold back the shiver that passed through him as he felt the silky smooth skin of Ran's chest press against his back but failed, his body automatically relaxing with his close presence. Even though his anger at the man still heated his blood, the man's mere presence was cooling like a balm. It was an odd mixture of hot and cold to say the least. But it was Fujimiya Ran, fire and ice... 

Slowly turning in the bed, muscle rippled under silken gold flesh as Yuushi slipped his arms about the younger male, completely facing him now, unable to resist him in any way when he was near. It was almost pathetic how no matter what he called to him like a siren on the sea, and like the foolish sailors Yuushi turned to him even knowing that one day he may meet his death crashing on the jagged edges of the rocks, hard as the katana Ran wielded. 

"I just don't understand you..." came a soft sleep muffled murmur as he felt silken tresses tickle his chin, his red haired lover tucking his head up under his chin as they lay together near sleep. 

"I never once asked you to... This is for the best. Yuushi." Ran breathed softly, taking in the scent of his lover's neck, that sweet and spice mix of his skin, still slightly sticky from their earlier exertions. His hand skimmed over the man's arm, curling his fingers about the strong bicep as he curled his body closer against him. 

The touches and words never registered with the blonde as sleep had already overcome him, finding an odd relaxation and comfort in the redhead's closeness even though he wasn't really fully happy with him. They could deal with it in the morning, after Ran met with Queen. They would most likely fight, they often disagreed on things but they were both passionate creatures with fiery tempers and unmatched stubbornness, perhaps matched by one another's though. Yuushi slipped off to sleep with the knowledge that they would talk tomorrow more in detail on this subject, when he was more himself and awake and the mild shock of the entire thing had passed. His breathing was slow as the night crept deeper about them, his arms wrapped tightly about his lover to hold him all through the night not letting go and giving the impression from the close hold that he never would. No matter what... 

†   
TBC   
† 

****

3 - decoy sacrifice: a sacrifice to remove a piece 


	5. From These Scattered Ashes † Disjunction

_ Here it is, last part of this fic but it will eventually be continued in the Weiß timeline, so we'll see what time brings to our fave two Crasher members... Enjoy!   
...don't hate me..._   
_I have uploaded and re-uploaded ten times. I have no clue why some paragraphs the font size just gets... bigger. . _

†

† Disjunction4 † 

When the sun rose on the city, the golden rays fell over the white-sheeted bed, bathing the blonde in the warm rays that just made his skin melt like pure honey in the early morning heat. White golden lashes fluttered open slowly to reveal bright metallic eyes, Yuushi waking up easily with the sun. Smiling softly he reached over to the other side of the bed to pull his loved redhead over... only to blink as his hands encountered nothing but sheets and blankets. Sitting up quickly, the Crasher's bright gaze moved to the bed. Pressing his hand to the sheets he found them cool as if his lover had been up and about from the bed for awhile. A slight mischievous smile touched on Yuushi's lips as he remembered what had happened. Ran had gone to meet with Queen that was all... 

Getting up from the bed in unabashed male nude glory, the blonde moved to the small table and chair where he knew Ran always left his laptop in its case. He wanted now to see that email and find out where they were meeting. Yuushi imagined that it would be a pleasant surprise to Ran if he showed up and waited out front for him to take him to a late lunch after being chewed out by the Crashers' elegant secretary. He stopped in his tracks when he saw that it was gone. Looking around the room, he saw that everything the younger man owned was gone. His legs holding him up shook and he sunk down onto the bed, shaking his head in disbelief for a moment before curling up on the bed like a child having a nightmare. Long toned arms reached out to clasp Ran's pillow to his chest, burying his face in the feather pillow, inhaling the subtle scent of his lover still lingering on the pillowcase along with a few stray scarlet strands, the only traces of evidence that a Fujimiya Ran ever lived there with his blonde lover. 

Ran... had known last night that he'd have to pack everything before going to meet Queen. He knew that last night was the last time he'd see him... That mission offense **had** been bad enough to get him dismissed from the unit. And he hadn't told him... And it should be Yuushi's things that were now packed up and gone, not Ran's... 

He hadn't told him... He'd known that was goodbye and he... never even said it... 

Bitter tears brought the male back to a tormented empty sleep as he felt his emotions go on a roller coaster, anger and betrayal and hurt and longing... all for a man it already seemed like he would never see again. 

† 

"You're late." Queen cool soft tones greeted the redhead as he entered the appointed meeting place, a well-furnished apartment. The woman sat at a table in a breakfast nook, the nearly ever present chessboard set in front of her, seeming to be in mid-game. Ran knew better than to ask if the apartment was hers. She changed locations about every other week for her own reasons. It was a just a place, a location, nothing more... 

"My apologies." The redhead's own flat tones answered her as he took a seat on one of the leather couches, deliberately sitting away from her, not choosing the seat across from her at the table. He really wasn't in the mood for a game of chess. "It takes awhile to pack every belonging I own and not wake the person sleeping in the very room," he commented, lifting one shoulder in a casual shrug as if he did this often. 

Sighing softly, the aqua haired secretary looked across the room at the stubborn male. Ice blue eyes met with violet and the two just stared at each other, daring the other to move closer to them. It was a test of the wills, both refusing to leave their seats until finally Queen shook her head and rose from the chair. This was childish. The click of high heels sounded on the tile before she came to stand in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"You know you have a severe attitude problem." 

"We all knew this." Leaning back casually against the back cushions of the couch, the perfectly composed male crossed his legs to put one ankle across his knee, resting his hand on his leg and the other was draped across the back of the couch. His gaze never moved off of the secretary, the redhead looking for all intents and purposes as if he didn't give a damn about what was going to be said here today. 

A light frown curved the elegant woman's lips before she sighed, staring at the man from her standing position to his seated. One may think that the height difference would be intimidating in at least some way, but the man never once flinched or really acknowledged her presence. "A bit of respect shown to your superiors would be appreciated, Ran." 

"I fail to see why I should be punctual to a meeting we both know is my dismissal from Crashers." Tilting his head up and to the side to more evenly meet her gaze, the redhead just stared at her indifferently. "Can we get this over with?" 

Giving a long sigh to get her control, the woman sank to sit beside him, their eyes never once unlocking gazes. "You're exasperating..." 

"Queen... Is this a meeting to discuss my rank in Crashers, or is this a meeting to name all my bad traits?" 

Crossing her arms over her abundant chest with a low sigh, Queen softly shook her head at the male. "Perhaps both. You know you have absolutely no respect for authority in any manner." 

Frowning softly and disliking his answer, but figuring he deserved it, Ran rose from his seat and crossed the room to stare out the window. He'd never been fond of the woman's penetrating ice blue stare as if she could see through every bit of him, see though his defenses and walls. Fixing his violet gaze onto the long window facing a spanning and well-pruned garden. "Can we hurry this along..." he murmured softly, letting his gaze rest on a bed of yellow roses, reminding him too much of the hair of his lover- ex-lover? Most likely now... Sighing he closed his eyes, preferring the darkness behind his eyelids to the bright sunshine outside. 

"Do you even **know** why I am dismissing you? Do you even know what you have done?" 

Opening his eyes once more, Ran let his gaze travel back to that bed of sunshine colored roses. What he had done? 

Betrayed his lover's trust to save him from what could become of him if King found out he had killed... Yuushi had most likely awoken by now and realized he was gone. Realized he hadn't said goodbye. The flaxen blonde was most likely broken and possibly crying, feeling abandoned and betrayed. Ran felt the same, rather his heart felt betrayed by his head. But long ago he had let his head think for him and be damned what the more tender part of him longed for. This was for the **best**. He'd already had his family ripped from him once. He knew that Yuushi had his parents die in a house fire and was orphaned in his late teens. Crashers was his new family and there was no way he was going to let the man be taken from them. Even if he had to make Knight hate the person he thought he loved... Ran swallowed hard at the thought but kept his silence for a few more moments. 

What had he done... 

What he always did. Put feelings aside and let cold logic rule. One couldn't do things for feelings because it made one easy to crumble and strike, easy to falter and easy to ruin. Easy to rule, easy to hurt. He knew that too well. He had to leave Crashers. This relationship had been drawing him in too much, letting him start to feel... almost normal. Almost making him forget what was important. His own life meant nothing, not while he had a dear sibling alone in a dark sleep he could never comfort her in and possibly never pull her from. 

He'd done as necessary. Yuushi would one day understand that. Family was more important than any bed partner, and they each had their families to worry about and be with. No matter what... as he'd promised when he first saw her comatosed form. 

Yuushi never would have seen logic. Had he put the full truth on that mission report, they'd both be dismissed from Crashers. The group would be torn and need more replacements, they wouldn't function correctly without their chivalrous and polite Knight. They would be easily broken... easily killed. He knew what the losses of family members could do to a person, and though Crashers were not blood related, it had been obvious it didn't matter in their hearts. He had to leave to let them stay strong. To let Yuushi stay strong, stronger without him. Before he realized the one he said he loved could never believe that or return that. Before he realized just how empty his dear redhead indeed was... 

"I asked you a question, Fujimiya, I expect an answer," Queen said in a chilled voice interrupting his thoughts, her voice cutting through the quietness of the room and showing the anger that she was letting make itself apparent in her voice. 

Leaning forward to press his forehead against the cool glass of the window, Ran pressed his pale fingers to the clear surface. "Why don't you just tell me, Queen." 

"Very well then. Because of you, a mere replacement to this team, a mission was single-handedly ruined. Now to you who may not care of a simple Crashers mission, let me explain the detriment this has done to our organization. This was a criminal which we'd had leads on for a good while and a good deal of research was done on him, research and time that was obviously wasted because of multiple screw ups in a simple mission on your part-..." 

The woman's words continued and Ran only half listened to them, the statement that the mission was ruined by him ringing in his ears over and over, making him remember words said to him at his last ruined mission. 

__

"I beg you! Let me join the special team. The reason things became like that, it was all my fault! I...I want to avenge everyone's deaths!"   
"Don't kid yourself! Such a failure, you should have been fired! Who do you think you are? You want to join the special team? Not so fast! Go to Tsushima and train your abilities first! ...Wh...what's the matter with you?"   
"Train my abilities... no, not abilities... what I should train... is not my abilities!" 5

It seemed he was always cursed to fail those around him, in deed or in word. He had been standing right next to Aya when the explosion went off but it had been her struck into a comatose state, not him as well as it should have been. He had been the newest member in his first group and he had survived, no one else... The sole survivor it seemed, damned to walk alone in life no matter what. It was just how things were and would be. 

"-...of full termination was discussed because of such mistakes but the better option of reassignment was chosen. As I stated in the missive sent to you last night, as of today you are no longer part of Crashers. You are never again to see or make contact with Bishop, Pawn, Knight, the original Rook, or myself. We will be relocated in a very short amount of time. Do not attempt to ever search out this team, Ran. You will be watched for such and if there is another screw up on your part in matters with Crashers, Kritiker may not be so... lenient on you, despite any skills with the blade you may have. Do I make myself clear?" 

Pulling out of his thoughts, Ran focused his eyes to the window to stare at the woman's reflection in the glass, seeing she was still seated on the couch and staring over at his back. So. He was never again to see Yuushi... very well. Best not to ever see the hate that was now most likely in the man's eyes where soft affection had once shone warm like eternal summer rays. As he imagined those golden irises glowing bright like the sun's corona only in disgust and dislike, the redhead felt himself grow colder and empty, and emptiness that grew deeper after every person he lost for whatever reason. It was better this way... Nothing could fill that void. Maybe temporarily but then it left again and left him with more of that emptiness than before. "Yes. I understand." Straightening from the window to his full dominating height and turned from the window to face the aqua haired secretary once more. Any emotion from his thoughts of Yuushi and his last failed mission was gone from his gaze, leaving only the shades of dusk in the Antarctic, the dark violet of an endless night on solid ice, in his eyes. Darkness, a void, chill, inhuman ice. Any spark of human warmth or even just heated anger that had been present in the male when he first entered the plushly furnished apartment faded out, leaving only steel determination and icy will, a man alone in the world and accepting that with no regrets. "Where am I to go after this meeting since the Crasher base is no longer accessible to me. To where is my reassignment?" he asked blandly, an elegant crimson eyebrow raising as he inquired of his short-term fate. 

Getting up from her seat, Queen moved over to the chessboard and picked up a thick manila envelope set there. Crossing the room once more she stepped close to the window and extended it out to him. "Your assignments are in there." 

Nodding softly he opened the envelope and pulled out the papers, skimming them quickly with his violet gaze just to know what Kritiker was having their little troublesome agent do now. So... it looked as if they were sending him on a few solo missions until they found a correct place for him in a team. Glancing at the finer details of his next mission, a tiny frown traced the corners of his lips before it was gone. So... as he'd thought, because he killed on a mission, they now had him doing assassin work. Most likely these solo missions would be training to see if he was capable of it before being sent to a full assassin team. 

Sighing faintly Ran kept his gaze locked on the papers, his irises betraying none of his real thoughts. So he was to become a killer with his blade... ah, better he than Yuushi. After seeing Yuushi just after the kill, he knew that his blonde lover would never have been able to survive the heavy guilt of every night cleaning the last traces of a person's life from his blade. Better Ran than Yuushi, ever. He already had the indifferent and detached mind of a killer, he already planned the death of the one behind his family's ruin and his sister's coma every night in his head. Already his soul was cursed by the hatred for Takatori Reiji that ran through him like liquid fire threatening to crack his icy exterior. Better he be a killer than his- 

Exlover, he reminded himself bitterly. Because he was doing this and could never again see Crashers, exlover. 

"I see," he said after a few minutes of contemplating things while gazing at the mission orders. "If that is all I shall take my leave from here..." 

Watching the man start to head towards the door silently, Queen sighed faintly before speaking. "Do you mind if I give you some advice Ran, for your next team?" 

The redhead paused with his hand extended to the doorknob, leaving his hand hanging just above it for a moment as he considered. He knew that he could just walk out that door with no further punishment, so long as he followed his orders on the papers to the letters. Advice... at least offered in those tones... was just that, not an order. But natural curiosity perked up and he let his hand drop back to his side. Slowly he turned to meet iced violet to ice blue, and just nodded faintly. 

Staring into the man's eyes, Queen paused to fully consider her words to say to the man since he was actually going to listen. That in itself was a slight surprise. Taking her seat once more on the seat, she cleared her throat before speaking. "You have... something about yourself, Fujimiya Ran. Some type of aura that draws people to you despite you wishing them to stay away. There's a confidence about you, which enables you to continue on. It's... encouraging, inspiring, to others. People could rely and depend on you, if you allowed them to do so. We are still looking for a fitting group for you, where someone of your composure could be best utilized. You could be something to them, Ran, once we find them. You could be a well-respected and followed leader, a great driving force in a unit. If you allow yourself." The woman's only answer was the close of the door behind the stoic redhead. The door closing sounded almost like a gunshot to him, Ran knowing that now that the door was closed, he could never look back to Crashers. Closing his deep winter sky gaze, he drew in a breath and continued on with that knowledge in the back of his mind. 

†   
Owari   
† 

****

4 - disjunction: separation of pieces or pawns   
**5 - **An excerpt of dialogue from the CD Drama, Endless Rain, which centers around Ran's past after Aya-chan went into a coma, showing his first group in Kritiker. His first mission with the group ended in pure disaster and he was the sole survivor. This is dialogue between him and the groups go-between after the mission fails. If you have not read this CD Drama, do so! The translation is at Aya no Weiß Kreuz Corner.


End file.
